Sunday, May 27, 2007

Slightly used comforter for sale!

I don't know what it is about my apartment that makes people want to have sex there... but they do. On my couch, coffee table, floor, yea verily even on my bed. I just wish once that I could be included in some of the coitus.

I mean how many times do you have to break into your own bedroom with the blunt end of a q-tip with your camera flashing like Lindsey Lohan's in there doing lines of blow, before people will take the hint that maybe the persons bed that you having sex on doesn't want you having sex on his bed. Maybe he (the person who owns the bed) is drunk tired and wants to go to sleep. I guess when all the blood has moved from your big head to your small head it makes it harder (lol) to think of things like that. I mean I even sent in a ridiculously good looking clown in hopes that they would take the hint... but no... in true gay fasion they just tried to include him.

I mean if you are shagging on another persons bed isn't it a sign of good breeding to at least include them?

Please comment with your thoughts.

I will place the names of all those who comment in a hat and the one who's name I draw will win a free frosty and be able to view pictures of my comforter being violated.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Republican Memory Loss

Breakfast Anyone?

Greg Behrendt is a Douche!

I just wanted to take a moment out of my busy day to thank Greg Behrendt. Thanks for lying to me and anyone else who purchased this hard covered piece of crap. I read this literary piece of fecal matter. Cover to cover. Thought to myself, wow armed with these tools I'm never going to get hurt again. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

I'll give you some credit you did have some valid points. Clearly if a guys not calling you, he's not that into you. And if a guy keeps breaking dates with you, I'd bet all the money in my pocket that he's probably not that into you.

I'm sure that the way I felt when I read your book must have been eerily similar to those biblical scholars who first beheld the Dead Sea Scrolls. You know that wonder and awe of having information that no one else had ever thought of... oh wait... This isn't new information.

I couldn't help but think as I finished your book that something had been left unsaid. I had this sneaking suspicion that there should have been one more chapter. You know the one entitled Chapter 17 - Everything I've written up until this point only works if... you're not in love with the person.

It could have been a real short chapter. I've taken the liberty of finishing your #1 bestseller.

-Chapter 17-
Love will make a person act fucking retarded at times. So please disregard anything you might have read up until this point. Because, if you are unfortunate enough to be in love, you're pretty much going to do everything I've warned you about anyway.

Ah, finally the truth.

Side note - I paid full price for this book. That's right. $21.95

You know what else I could have bought for 21.95?

You've never lied you me have you? That's right. I didn't think so.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Snow Police?

I'm so confused.

When did the View get awesome?

I just took an early lunch break. I'm off to buy every one of her craptacular movies.
I love you Alicia Silverstone. All is forgiven.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Looking for Birthday Sponsors!

I figure if that mixed up Lindsey Blohan can get a vodka company to sponsor her birthday...

It's the least Jack Daniels could do.

AI last night

So... I'll be damned if I can find a picture of it but I know she was there. Marlee Matlin, famed deaf actress, was in the audience last night at the American Idol Finale.

I just have one question.... Who do you think she voted for?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Running Up That Hill

I have not been able to get this song or video out of my head. It's so haunting.

This is the new Placebo video for "Running up that Hill" which is a cover of one of my favorite songs. The band held a contest asking people to submit themselves 'performing' the song - and now they've strung a whole bunch of submissions together creating a beautiful and haunting video.

Although I do have to say I'm still awfully fond of my favorite version. The one by Tony Award Nominated Kiki and Herb.

eXTReMe Tracker