Monday, April 30, 2007

Damien Rice or How I pissed off my entire family

So I was faced with a difficult decision last week. My little brother is graduating from college on Saturday. My whole family is driving up Friday night and doing a big dinner and everything. I've opted to attend the Damien Rice concert and drive up early Saturday morning to attend the Graduation Ceremony.... I've made the right decision right?

Friday, April 20, 2007

Lost in Translation

I've been listening to Ragan Fox a lot lately. Thanks Josh! I came across one of his podcasts that contained this little gem. I hope you enjoy it.

Lost in Translation – A gay Mom’s guide to traversing

Chapter 1 – Profiles and Ice Breakers

Boy = Over 35 yrs old

Boi = Over 40 yrs old

Football Player Build = Over 200 lbs of back fat

Smooth = A minor playing on his fathers computer

Straight Acting = Bottom

Str8 = Pig Bottom (Into having his balls kicked with pointy boots)

Masculine = Bottom

Butch = Bottom

Bi-Curious = Bottom

Top = Bottom

Education: Some College = He’s a University Glory Hole Whore

Sup? (as in What’s up?) = I’m looking for sex

You have a nice smile = I’m looking for sex

Hi = I’m looking for sex

Hello Master = I’ll give you Gonorrhea

Where in Phoenix do you live = I’m looking for sex, but my wife gets back in an hour

Sup Bro? = Bottom

Discreet = Bottom

Married = Bottom

Into Young Guys = I’m a cop

Swimmers Build = I’m into water sports

Uses drugs occasionally = Meth Addict

Age 18 = Age 15

Best attribute: Personality = Double Chin and Skin Tags

Politics: Avoid Politics = Republican

Religion: Mormon = If you scream when I beat you, I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you hard

VGL = Very Gay Looking

Looking? = I’ve got killer crabs that want to dig their claws into your new mild shores

Favorite Author: Ragan Fox = Smart and Hot

You won’t be disappointed = April Fools

Chapter 2 – Deciphering Pictures

Neck down picture, wearing a shirt = Lazy Eye and Snaggle Tooth

Neck down picture, hot torso = Crabs

Cartoon Character or Avatar used as picture = 12 yrs old, a cop, or Circus Sideshow Ugly

Wearing a cap = Balding

Wearing a cowboy hat = Really Bald

No Photo Added = Congressman or Pedophile

Picture taken while in car and car is a Civic = You’re paying for dinner

Picture taken while in car and car is a Porsche = You won’t feel his dick inside you

Uses Prom Picture = Horrendously bad fuck

Picture of older man sucking a twinks dick = That twink is his son.

We hope you find this guide helpful in your online pursuits.

Remember, Premium Memberships can be purchased at bargain basement costs.




Monday, April 2, 2007

Thank you Alanis!

Thank you Alanis for finally making up for all those crap albums you released after Jagged Little Pill.
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