Well it's been a month...

The world is filled with far more sadness than anyone ever realized.



It's been a month since my mom passed away and while I hope I'm dealing with it, I can't say that it's become any easier. I find myself staring at my phone waiting for her to call and ask how I'm doing and why don't I ever call. People tell me that it takes time and I must trust what they're saying.

They seem such tenuous threads which bind out worlds together. I had often thought, upon hearing of the death of a respected or noble figure, "How could so much brilliance grow faint and be extinguished? How can the world continue to be, when so much of what has made it worthy of being had departed?" I do not know how it can be so. I know only that the world will continue to be and I must find some solace in that.

I was going over some thoughts that a coworker was good enough to send me. This one from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein really seemed to describe what I was/am feeling.

She died calmly; and her countenance expressed affection even in death. I need not describe the feelings of those whose dearest ties are rent by that most irreparable evil; the void that presents itself to the soul; and the despair that is exhibited on the countenance. It is so long before the mind can persuade itself that she, whom we saw every day, and whose very existence appeared a part of our own, can have departed for ever--that the brightness of a beloved eye can have been extinguished, and the sound of a voice so familiar, and dear to the ear, can be hushed, never more to be heard. These are the reflections of the first days; but when the lapse of time proves the reality of the evil, then the actual bitterness of grief commences. Yet from whom has not that rude hand rent away some dear connection? and why should I describe a sorrow which all have felt, and must feel? The time at length arrives, when grief is rather an indulgence than a necessity; and the smile that plays upon the lips, although it may be deemed a sacrilege, is not banished. My mother was dead, but we had still duties which we ought to perform; we must continue our course with the rest, and learn to think ourselves fortunate, whilst one remains whom the spoiler has not seized.

Mother always used to comment about the knack I had for surrounding myself with the most amazing friends. I really do love and appreciate everyone of my friends. I feel truly blessed because of the people I've chosen to let into my crazy world. I don't know what I would do without you all.