Greg Behrendt is a Douche!

I just wanted to take a moment out of my busy day to thank Greg Behrendt. Thanks for lying to me and anyone else who purchased this hard covered piece of crap. I read this literary piece of fecal matter. Cover to cover. Thought to myself, wow armed with these tools I'm never going to get hurt again. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid!

I'll give you some credit you did have some valid points. Clearly if a guys not calling you, he's not that into you. And if a guy keeps breaking dates with you, I'd bet all the money in my pocket that he's probably not that into you.

I'm sure that the way I felt when I read your book must have been eerily similar to those biblical scholars who first beheld the Dead Sea Scrolls. You know that wonder and awe of having information that no one else had ever thought of... oh wait... This isn't new information.

I couldn't help but think as I finished your book that something had been left unsaid. I had this sneaking suspicion that there should have been one more chapter. You know the one entitled Chapter 17 - Everything I've written up until this point only works if... you're not in love with the person.

It could have been a real short chapter. I've taken the liberty of finishing your #1 bestseller.

-Chapter 17-
Love will make a person act fucking retarded at times. So please disregard anything you might have read up until this point. Because, if you are unfortunate enough to be in love, you're pretty much going to do everything I've warned you about anyway.

Ah, finally the truth.

Side note - I paid full price for this book. That's right. $21.95

You know what else I could have bought for 21.95?

You've never lied you me have you? That's right. I didn't think so.